draft of a submittion

Lets try this, as a draft.

Dears sirs:
 I submit for your review an outline of a contemporary/fantasy novel. Tentatively titled Tywacomb, this story takes place in a contemporary time frame, with scenes on Earth,and the majority of the story happening on the planet Tywacomb, elsewhere in this galaxy. The main characters are a native of Tywacomb who is a magic user; and a husband and wife from Earth, he is a former marine sniper and now small business owner, she is a work from home mom who also teaches a martial arts class.

 The outline is as follows:
Prologue
  A place reminiscent of the Valley of the Kings in Egypt, but where real magic is available. A gathering of people representing factions that would normally be antagonistic bury a common enemy. One prophecies that the cycle that produced this enemy will produce another in the future. This is the under girding arc for a potential series.

Act One
  Caspian, a Mage, is sent by a clan of elves to travel from Tywacomb to Earth to find the descendants of one of their own who previously emigrated and went native. There are operatives from a certain kingdom who are also going to seek for the this same family, for their own ends. As Caspian travels to the bridge point to leave the planet, he sees that he is not alone in his journey. Caspian uses his magic to travel the distance.
Steven and Roxanne Caplan live in the area south of Carson City, Nevada. Roxanne is the unknowing great granddaughter of the elf who immigrated. They have two children, and Diana, age 10 and Alex, age 8.
  The bad guys get to the Caplan's before Caspian can, and kidnap Rox and the two kids, and take them back to Tywacomb. Caspian has to convince Steven to come with, and they set out for Tywacomb. Steve is at first skeptical of magic. Caspian later explains that for some reason Earth does not have real magic, while other planets in the universe do. On Tywacomb, Caspian figures out that the bad guys have sold off Roxanne, not needing her for their own plans, therefore the best thing to do is get Steven acclimated to the planet, while going after Rox first. The bad guys take the kids halfway around the planet by caravan, for reasons of plot.

Act Two: Roxanne is sold as a slave, and then paid by the slaver as tax to cross into a kingdom. She is then taken to the capitol and ends up the servant and apprentice to a Sorceress who advises in this kings court. The Sorceress figures out that Rox has elf-ancestry, and an undeveloped talent for magic. Rox begins to learn magic fundamentals while also earning enough money to either buy herself free, or outfit herself to go after her kids once her husband shows up to liberate her. She does not have enough information to tell either who her elf antecedents are or who the bad guys are, for this kingdom to be of any help that way.
  Caspian and Steven have to travel the comparative distance of Cardston Canada to Tri-cities Oregon by foot. Caspian has a tracker given him from the elves that will follow the descendants of the given elf, and is following it after Roxanne. He could be going faster, but is preferring to focus on getting Steven's 'head in the game' and acclimated to where he is at first. He figures that once they have retrieved Roxanne, they will be ready to go directly after the kids and kidnappers; there are other motives as well.
  Steven picks up a young woman in distress, stumbling over a local custom. This woman, once physical healed is helpful, knowing some of the local area and is an able woodsman.
  The three travel the distance to the capitol city where Rox is, and as they approach find a invading army in disguise as a caravan of traders. The three get away from the invaders and hook up with another caravan of real traders. Caspian tries to warn anyone but no one takes him seriously. In the ensuing fight the three lend a hand, and capture the leader, and trade him for Roxanne.

Act Three: Steven and Rox reunite and compare notes, then after some house keeping they set out with Caspian. The native girl goes off with the real trader caravan. The Sorceress helps equip Rox and send them on their way.
  The Caplan's and Caspian are intercepted by a messenger from the elf clan: they want to see Roxanne asap, and will help her get the kids back. So they change course, and head for the elves. At the elf city, they discover that most of the elves are not very friendly to humans. Caspian finally tells the Caplan's all that the elves instructed him to do, in allowing their kids to be kidnapped, upsetting the Caplan's. Steven tells off the head elves, after which the elves are more tractable, and help.
  Roxanne is taught elf-magic, to go with what she has been learning so far. She is still a beginner, but thanks to her martial arts practice, is confident she will learn more and better. They also begin to equip and dress her as one of them.
  Steven is sent after a particular sword, and after successfully getting it, the elves consent to outfit him similarly to Roxanne.
  To this end, Caspian, Rox, and Steven are given a few days to get back to Earth and do some quick shopping. They teleport to the planetary jump-point, and then to earth. Rox does the shopping, and Steven gets picked up and taken into police custody, on suspicion of helping kidnap his wife and kids, then fleeing town. Rox and Caspian hire a lawyer to start taking care of things, and them go pick up Steven and teleport away, back to Tywacomb.
  They get back to the elves and fully outfitted and on their way.
  The bad guys caravan arrives in the bad guys capitol and the kids are separated and sent to where the bad guys want them raised.

Act Four:
  Introduce Karen. She is a psionically talented assassin, and contracted by the Queen of the bad guys to kill Caspian and arrange for the capture of the Caplan's, or just kill them. The Viceroy of the bad guys counters this hire, for Karen to not kill the Caplan's but help them get their kids back and then teach them what they will have to do to kill the queen and king. Karen takes the contract, and does her research.
  The Caplan's and Caspian arrive in the bad guys city, having traveled much quicker than in act two. They begin nosing around, and find that the local royals are conveniently holding a ball, in celebration of their 'victory over their enemy', meaning kidnapping the Caplan's kids. The ball was held off to allow the nobles to come, and as a trap for the Caplan's, who are expected to attend to try to find where the kids were sent to.
  Roxanne gets in a magic fight in a banquet room, and Karen extracts her and leads her out of the palace into the city. Steven and Caspian start looking for Rox the next day, and Karen Rox find them. Karen takes an unusual tact, and is completely honest about being hired to kill Caspian, and help the Caplan's get their kids back. She does not say anything more about her job.
At Karen's lead they leave the city and go to the cave/highway that will lead to where the kids are. Along the way Karen uses her psionic talents to imprint into Rox and Steven's minds all she could find about the underground villages where their kids are. At the cave mouth, Karen refuses to go any further (she is claustrophobic). She will wait her for their return.
The three travel in a day, and then split up. Steven goes after Alex, who is being fostered in a community of psionic warriors. Rox and Caspian go after Diana being fostered by a community of subterranean-elves. Steven arrives after some minor adventures, and doing a bit of sneaking around and getting a certain scroll, simply marches in, identifies himself and claims his son. These warriors being honorable let Alex go; they send a sword with him, thinking he will have to return to them to learn how to use is, unaware that Steven has taken the scroll that will teach that. Rox and Caspian take a different tack with the elves, they blow up a few of the buildings in the elf village and then move through the chaos and retrieve Diana from the elf-witch Diana was fostered to.
  They all travel back up to the surface, meeting up and finding Karen waiting patiently. Karen reports she took down two elf messengers who were tasked with reporting Diana's disappearance. They start traveling to leave the area.

Act Five
Again Karen uses her psionic skills to teach all four Caplan's what their rolls are in trying to kill the king and queen. when she is confident, that the Caplan's are ready, she signals a nearby ambush of the queen's/viceroy's men who attack.
  Karen takes down Caspian in the attack 'killing' him. The Caplan's are led away, and Karen paid off. Karen then takes Caspian's unconscious body and heads for the closest town.
  The Caplan's are carried back to the city, and paraded into the palace. Roxanne and Diana are taken to the Queen in a palace garden. Steven and Alex are taken to the King in a dinning hall.
Rox gets free using magic and then frees Diana. The arbor is a magic power base for the queen, Rox manages to destroy it. Diana then uses a spell to throw the queen away from her across the rubble, and impales her on some killing her.
Steven gets free and thugs a few of the guards and gets the sword that the elves sent him after. This sword causes all magic in its area to shut off. The King foolishly/over confidently accepts Steven's invitation to duel. Steven gets Alex loose in the melee. In the middle of the fight the queen's arbor explodes, causing this to pause. With the king's magic armor negated by Steven's sword, Alex can get in close enough to run the king through with the sword the psi-warriors gave him.
 The Viceroy takes over as soon as the kings falls. He orders that the Caplan women be retrieved from the arbor, and then gives them a day to rest and recover strength, then to get out of the city.

Epilogue
  The Caplan's did not have the means to buy, and were not given horses, so they are on foot, most of a day out from the city when they encounter Karen and Caspian. Karen explains that she did not kill Caspian for her own reasons, but that she did program the information the Caplan's needed to kill the king and queen, and who specifically needed to do it. She apologizes for the upset, but not for doing it.

This book ends here, with the story of what happened while Caspian was in Karen's care, how and when the Caplan's get back to earth, and all the other loose ends covered in subsequent publications.


I write this as a draft of a submitting letter. On the website that I looked at that recommended this instead of submitting a full manuscript, suggested I add two or three chapters of the manuscript. But I refer the reader to other entries of this blog for those, just now.

doing road work to fill in plot and story holes

I have been working my way through the primary story of Caspian and Karen. I have gotten to a point where the pints are there, but the story has not been fleshed out any.
I have taken to going through the text and opening it up to annotate it and then printing the sentences and paragraphs so that I can look at them with pen in hand and write what comes. Mostly it is filling out the ideas, without much dialog yet.
I am a bit concerned about how my dialog interacts with my narration in where it shows up and how natural it sounds.
The other thing I have been doing is going through what is written and trying to unify the tense, to get it all to third person narrative.
One other thing I have noticed is a dearth of place names. I have places and descriptions, but no names. Kind of like going on a vacation and saying 'I went through four towns and one city, but I have no clue what the names were.'

Editorial update

Some years ago, I read Steven King's biography/notes on the writing profession. I remember one thing he said, was to go through the draft, then put it aside, then come back to it when it will be fresh again and re-edit and rewrite. That is the stage I am at now.

I have been going through the first story to get it into a manuscript form with the intention of submission/shopping. As I have done so, I have been ironing out parts of it, filling in the minor holes, and looking for the areas where the plot requires things be mentioned and set up. Chekhov's Store is a convenient place to shop for these things; in one case I 'had the gun being used in act three' but had not 'mentioned it on the wall in act one' so I had to go 'put it on the wall.' that is the sort of thing I have been on the look out for.
In another case, I have found a hole in the plot that needed filling; this being an area where I just had never written what happened next, instead skipping forward in time. I can't do that now, so I have to compose and tell what happened, and listen for the characters piping up and saying 'No it happened this way.'

Caspian plays P.I.

This scene takes place on earth, at the home of Steven and Roxanne Caplan. Steven meets Caspian for the first time. At this point, Rox and their children have been kidnapped,and Caspian has to introduce himself, and convince Steven to go with him to get them back. A local sheriff's deputy is there, trying to get useful information.

Steven looked through the peephole. “I don’t know this guy.”

The deputy looks through. “Oh no.” He sounded a bit put off. “Why one of them? And how did he find out?” He turned to Steven. “It’s a private investigator.” He walked away from the door.

Steven shrugged then opened the door, looking down to the man standing there. “Can I help you?”

The man looked Steven over a moment. “Yes; and I can probably help you much more. May I come in?”

Steven looked back at the deputy, who just rolled his eyes, and turned back into the living room.

Steven opened the door. “Come in.”

The man dressed in a long over coat, probably with a suit underneath, with expensive shoes. His sandy brown hair was cut short enough that he could not comb it straight if he wanted. Like most people, he stood shorter than Steven, but to Steven he looked like he worked out a bit. But something about the set of his features connected to a level of personal confidence Steven had not often encountered since leaving the service.

The man put his hands in his pockets and walked past Steven, looked briefly at Rox’s gym bag still where she had dropped it, and went into the living room. Steven locked the door, and followed. The deputy was standing by the fireplace, leaning on the mantel.

The PI looked at the room, his gaze lingering on the stones and sand, which had not yet been cleaned up. “Why did they bother with that?” Suddenly he looked up, realizing he had spoken aloud. “Excuse me a moment.”

He pulled his hands out of his pockets. At the same moment the deputy’s hand went to rest openly on his gun. Steven just moved to sit in his chair, where he could watch these two men. The deputy maintained a steady gaze of daggers at the PI.

For his part, the PI was now ignoring the deputy. Instead he concentrated on a large glass marble in his right hand, and was muttering under his breath. He moved to the sand on the floor, and still muttering, he pinched some up and sprinkled it on the marble. As he stood up, the marble began to glow like a light bulb. It floated above his palm a moment, then flashed and disappeared.

The deputy almost cleared leather at that point, while blinking to clear his eyes. Steven was also blinking hard.

The PI looked at Steven.

“Sorry about that. I’m used to people being aware of the flash. Now, in a few moments we will see what happened here this afternoon.”

The deputy was all but growling. “We already know what happened. Who are you, and who sent you?”

“Too right, introductions are in order.” He wagged his finger in emphasis, as he acknowledged the deputy’s existence. “I am an investigator working with Judge Alistair Kevan. He has had me following up on an organized crime syndicate. And it looks like they decided to target your family, Mr. Caplan.”

Karen's first kill

Chronologically, this is one of the  earliest episodes involving this character set. Karen is in her last year of guild-schooling.she has not yet met any of the other characters. This is to be in book two or three, depending on how things sort out. It helps lead off in telling about Karen and her origin, after her out-of-the-blue introduction in the final acts of book one.

Karen crept along, folding the cities shadows around her. The other was out there, somewhere. This game was getting serious. They has been playing it on and off since meeting in class all those years ago.

Then, the game was about dolls. In a way it still was. Only now the dolls were maturing boys and young men. Now there was a particular one that the other had picked out. Karen went along for the games sake, but really was not interested in the young man.

Her burgeoning psionics were a curse and a blessing socially. She could sense immediately if a man was interested in his own gratification, or hers. In her disgust she had learned that most young men, and many older ones, in this society seemed to see women as sex objects first, and all else after. On realizing this was what she was learning, her Psi-Master had immediately assigned Karen to another Psi-Instructor, who was happily married. This woman shared with Karen her own experiences of puberty and young womanhood, and of how she learned to see past the bodies drives into the heart and mind of the man, and by this how to ultimately to find love.

But at eighteen, Karen still knew she had a lot to learn in the mean time. She found dating a challenge. She stuck to learning all the social skills required of her chosen profession, and her social position. Her psionics helped a great deal, allowing her to sense when she had reacted or otherwise behaved correctly. But that did not help tonight, playing the game.

Karen had realized some time previous that her opponent/friend in this game wanted the target for herself, physically, emotionally, in all ways.

But he seemed to not be interested.

Tonight, the game changed. Her opponent had set out tonight on a dangerous path. Karen’s senses told her that her opponent was in the prime of her fertility cycle. Earlier Karen had followed the girl as she had purloined a manual from the Whore’s Guild. Socially she had been chasing the guy for long enough to know who the competition was. Karen had addressed her concern to the Guild Masters, but was not aware of anything coming of this. So she came out to play the game one more time, in earnest. But could she kill if she had to?

Karen arrived at the young man’s house, and scouted, being extra careful to conceal her presence. Then she saw her, her opponent, a black shadow in the dark, crossing roof tops carefully making less noise than a cat. The girl landed on the roof and moved to enter, as Karen was restrained by the Psi-Master putting a hand on her shoulder from the deeper shadows, slightly surprising Karen by his presence.

-Olegsdottor, do nothing.- He impressed this in her mind with more force than she had ever felt before. Then the Psi-Master was gone and was suddenly following the girl inside. Moments passed.

-Come.-

The same powerful sense now ordered. Karen moved of her own volition, but initially on instinct. Three other adult figures joined her on the balcony, and they entered. The Girl was bound and weeping on the floor. The bed chamber was empty, save for the seven Guildsmen. Karen recognized half of them as instructors, and one was The Guild Master. He had been inside the whole time. With a curt gesture he sent them all away, back to headquarters.

The Psi-Master picked up the weeping girl, slung her across his broad shoulders, and followed Karen out.

-Olegsdottor, attend me.-

Karen waited on the roof, and then followed as the man took off at such speed that Karen had to use her own psionics to keep up. They stopped halfway to the Guild. He turned to face Karen. The girl was limp, asleep or more. Now he spoke.

“Olegsdottor, what penalty does the guild impose for this one’s actions?”

“I presume death. But I do not know her full actions.”

“Her blades have innocent blood. She went to coerce a man to her bed, after killing the woman he truly loved.”

Karen sobered. She knew as an assassin she had the power to do such a thing, but they were trained from the start not to.

“Then she does face death, for the safety of society we cannot allow such to go free.”

“That’s right. Do you think you could...end her?”

Karen paused. Her emotions ran the gamut. Then something from her past and training came up. ‘A man put down his own animals. Only he loved then enough to end their suffering quickly.’ She was taught this very early on by the guild.

“If given the assignment, yes. A person puts their own down, not leaving it to others.”

He contemplated her a moment. She felt a scan go through her body and mind.

“Good. Only the Guild Master has known. This is my bastard daughter. I don’t know that I could put her down. You being her known closest friend...”

“Where’s the boy?”

He turned and they put half of their stealth aside rushing back to the Guild.

They assembled in the Guild Hall. The Psi-Master put the Girl down, and she was suddenly awake. Standing on the Guild Seal, a Guildsman at each point around it.

Karen was placed behind the girl opposite the Guild Master.

“Cassidy. You stand to center for judgment. You set out with bright blades, and stained them with innocent blood. You then sought to seduce another, where we apprehended you. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I love him. With her out of the way, I could get him to love me.”

“You have been taught that to do such is against our bylaws, and the morals of society.”

“What good is power unused?”

“Power is to be used for the good of all. Do you freely admit to using your power for your own gain?”

Cassidy broke down at this point, and sobbed, finally choking out, “yes.”

The Guild Master softened. “You know the penalty for your actions?”

“Yes.” Tears wet the floor.

The Guild Master nodded.

A Guildsman stepped forward from Cassidy’s left and unbound her arms, leaving her legs bound.

Cassidy opened her hood and removed her head wrap.

Karen expected to see her long black hair fall free, but instead Cassidy had shorn her hair to an unruly brush cut. She removed her outer and inner layers of her costume to her leather leotard. Karen watched in fascination, feeling every thread of her own costume and every piece of gear in it, realizing that her first kill stood before her undressing from a guild sanctioned costume.

The lacing on the leotard back was opened and Cassidy pulled it off her shoulders, arms, and chest to hang with the rest at her waist. A knife was put in Karen’s hand as the tribunal stepped into the outer dark of the room. Karen walked forward silently, shifting the knife in her grip from over to underhand.

Karen reached for her compassion as she took Cassidy’s chin in her left hand, pulled her up onto the balls of her feet and against Karen’s own chest, and swiftly brought the knife around and under her left breast between the ribs and into the heart, a swift twist and she felt the knife pivot on the rib muscles, slicing heart and lungs, flooding Cassidy’s chest with her own blood.

Karen heard the air escape Cassidy’s nose when she hit her and heard her struggle for breath as life left her. The whole time Karen held Cassidy’s mouth shut and held her off her feet. Karen sent a first and last psionic message to Cassidy. ‘I loved you, Cassidy, as a friend. I’m sorry it ended this way.”

Karen held Cassidy’s body as it went limp, a little trickle of blood clotting under Cassidy’s nose. Karen felt Cassidy’s life leave her friends body. The Psi-Master was at her side, closing Cassidy’s clothes and removing the knife as a sponge was used to staunch the blood from the wound. He and others took the body away.

Karen stood there, suddenly feeling empty.

Her Psi-Instructor took Karen’s shoulders and led her to a bed.

Karen awoke. She was on a cot in the Guild Masters office; her senses told her it was midday.  She opened the door, and the man standing there said she should wait to talk to The Master before leaving.

Karen used the bathroom and returned. The Master came in dressed as a local noble. He leaned against his desk. She sat on the unmade cot, her hood and balaclava open, her brown hair falling around her.

“Karen, thank you for warning us about her. First kills tell a lot about the assassin. Whether they are tempered for it, whether they should be doing this. How do you feel?”

“My friend...do we really have those here? Cassidy broke the rules, she was unstable. She should never have been allowed to get this far, and...”

He kindly interrupted her. “And now you have put her down, as any loving master does with a terminally ill animal, cutting short its suffering. Your father would be proud.”

“I felt her life leave her.”

“Yes. I don’t know what that feels like, though I’ve seen it often enough. Go home. Your sister is at the usual place waiting. By the way, you are now no longer a student, Apprentice Olegsdottor.”

“Thank you, Guild Master.”

He gave her a small insignia pin as she left.

Introducing Abey

This section happens a bit further along. Caspian and Steven are traveling by foot in pursuit of Roxanne, after she was sold by her kidnappers.

This first part is in desperate need or rewriting.

Caspian and Steven find a young woman tied to a stake in the ground.  She obviously in physical duress.  She is out cold, or asleep, using most of the rope for a pillow.  She is young (19), and small (less than 5 foot nothing).  She is wearing a leather shirt, home-spun trousers, and leather boots.  Also a leather belt.  Her hair is very dark brown, with some sunstreaks in it, and tied back with a kerchief.  Her plain features are tanned, but showing a burn right now.

She had a rope tied around her left ankle, which is secured to a stake in the ground.  The circle inscribed by this has a small bush off the side of the trail, but is otherwise barren of growth and shade.  Farther out is the edge of the clearing, allowing some shade, but not in the middle.  The road passes by, but does not cross the circle.

Steven moves to free her, but Caspian tells him not to.

“Why?”

“She is here for punishment.  If she really wanted to leave, she could have.  She is wearing a knife.”

“Leaving her here to die of thirst is not punishment.  It’s torture.”

Steven cuts her loose, and lays her out.  He then pours a little water into her mouth.  After a bit, she stirs, but does not awake.

“I guess she is from this town?”

“Most likely, or the surrounding farms.”  Caspian just stood by, not trying to help a wit.  “And now that you have cut her loose, and began to care for her, you have just created a bit of trouble for us.  Oh, well.”

Caspian sighed, shrugged, and then turned to inspect the trees.  He then pulled his bush knife from his belt, and lopped two branches from the trees.  Both were about half again as long as he was tall.  Next, he lopped all the smaller branches off these, leaving the ones on one side, to form a bit of a bed.

Steven pulled out his blankets, and lay the thickest one out.  He then put the branches across it with their few remaining limbs in the middle.  The blanket is then folded over the branches to form a bed.  Steven then lay the woman on it, and wrapped the blanket the rest of the way around, adding the second blanket to the roll, to hold her in.  The branches extended easily beyond either end.

“Take the other end, and we will be off.”  Steven stood at the girls head, ready to pick up the short end of the makeshift stretcher.

“No.  She is your problem.  Those are long enough to drag.  You just need a bit of a yoke.”  Caspian pulled a length of leather strap from his bag, and handed it to Steven.

“I don’t believe you.  You would just leave her here to die?”

“This is not our concern.  She was here for a reason.  Getting involved like this will only make things worse.  And I won’t do it.”

Steven took the leather strap, measured it, and tied it into a loop that ran over his shoulders, and down by either hand.  He then knelt and put the loops around the ends of the branches.  Lifting the end up, he stood, being sure that the woman did not slide out.

“Fine.  But I thought you helped those in need.”  Steven shifted the strap to balance the load.  Still looking accusingly at Caspian.  “Let’s get going.”

Steven then set out, walking past Caspian, dragging the travois behind him.  He did not have to take it far.

Inside a half hour, they were at the edge of a farming village.  Steven dragged his burden to what appeared to be the town square.  Here he lay her back down and was accosted by what passed for local law enforcement, who had followed from a shop at the edge of town.

“Who are you, and why are you bringing her here?”  Steven looked the man over.  He was a head and a bit more shorter, but considerably thicker than Steven.  And his garb seemed to denote that of a smith.  His face looked to be perpetually sunburned, with a liberal application of ash and slag rubbed in, and coating his leather apron.  His soot covered hair was scraggly and long, tied back by something that only kept about 3/4ths of it back.  The rest just floated about his head.

Steven remembered his last encounter with any police.  This guy might not be so patient.  “My name is Steven.  I was traveling in this direction, when I found her tied to a stake in the ground.  She needs healing.”

The smith did not even look at her.  “Did she ask you to do this?”

Steven shook his head.  “No.  She has not aroused since I first found her.  If she does not get help soon, she could die.”

The smith continued to look unconcerned.  “If that is what she chooses.”

Now Steven was annoyed.  “What happened to human decency?  Doesn’t anybody care for anybody here?”

Caspian stepped in.  “Steven, I tried to tell you.  She was there for a reason.  None of these people were helping her there, they won’t help you here.”

The smith spoke again.  “If you help her, she becomes your responsibility.  As a stranger I can give you this much.  Put her back, or keep her.”  He folded his arms, and puffed his chest out at Steven.

Steven looked around, seeing that several people had gathered to watch and see.  In passing he realized the he was taller than everybody, by a good margin.

“You’re saying that just by trying to get her help, she becomes my responsibility.  How’s that?”  Steven was a bit incredulous.

The smith continued his huff.  “She was out there as punishment.  If you are going to interfere with that, she becomes your responsibility.  Take her with you, or put her back.”

Steven looked around, considering what to do.  He looked at Caspian, but got no help there.  He looked around, and finally saw one person looking more than impassive.  A woman with a basket of shopping in her hands, looking concerned.  The woman caught Steven looking at her, and abruptly turned and walked away.  That settled it for him.

“Get me your healer.”

The smith shrugged.  Then turned and walked away.

“Caspian.  Do you know anything that could help?”

“No.  That is not my kind of magic.  But I don’t think she needs magic.  Just some proper care and rest.”  Caspian shrugged his shoulders.

Steven blew out a big breath, and sat down.  “If we leave her here?”

“She is yours now.  If you leave her here, they will ignore her, and she will die.”

“Wonderful.  So now I have to see to her while traveling to find Rox.”  Steven stood up.  “Did you see the woman with the basket?”

“Yes.  You noticed that she seemed to be the only person concerned.  Cyrril is following her right now.  Probably the girl’s mother,” Caspian speculated.

Steven looked where she went.  “Let’s go see if she will help.”

He turned to pick up the end of the travois, when a large, grubby, older man got Steven’s attention.  This man was all but stomping at them.

Caspian seemed to notice him at the same time as Steven.  “Who is this?”

Steven stood taller, as the man stomped up.  Then Steven ducked a balled up fist, and dropped the end of the travois.  He then returned a fist of his own, doubling the man over and dropping him to the ground.

Steven stood up, and back.  “What was that about?”

Caspian just stood by, watching, curiously.  Then knelt down next to the girl.

The grubby man got back to his feet.  “I won’t let you have her.  She’s mine.”

Steven cocked his head.  “Oh, really?  Then why weren’t you seeing to her needs?  I found her out there nearly ready to die.”

The girl’s weak voice answered Steven’s question.  “I will not accept his help.  I will not have him.”

“That is not for you to decide.  Your father and I settled the matter.”  The man tried to move to lay hands on her.

Steven just stood in his way.  “It seems to me that she already made her decision, and that is the one that matters.  Otherwise, she would not have been where I found her.  I am a stranger here.  But I gather that she is my responsibility now.”  Steven did his best to look as imperious as he could, summoning all his Marine Pride, standing to full height and stature.

The grubby man shrunk a bit, but was not ready to give up the issue.  “She has no say in the matter.  This was already settled between her father and me.  She is my wife now.”  He turned his attention to her.  “You had better learn that.  That is why you were out there.”

Steven could hear Caspian quietly chanting over her girl.  But his primary attention was on this thug.  And how to end this situation.  Then a thought whispered to him.  “Was the union consummated?”

This caught the grubby man off guard.  “What?”

Steven knew that he had found a crack.  Now to exploit it.  “Have you slept with her?  Have you been naked with her, and had her?”

Steven had no idea what the local euphemism was, but his question seemed to get across, and kick his opponent where it counted.  The man turned red with anger, and slipped into apoplexy.

She answered the question, with a laugh that seemed to cut deeper into the man’s ego than anything Steven could do.

“Well, then.  Since I am the one currently caring for her, and you being refused of her, I don’t think you have any claim.  Now stand aside, before you get hurt.”  Steven had softened his voice, to the condescending tone used to address one who is not bright enough to understand anything more.

Like a bubbling mud pot, the man finally boiled over and again tried to attack Steven.  But the fight was over before it began.  In three swift motions, Steven had him on the ground, gasping for air, and grasping between his legs in a private world of hurt.

At that, Steven rolled him over to face the other way.

Caspian had stood back up, and looked a bit amused by what happened.  Steven looked down at the girl.  Her dark eyes looked up at him in gratitude, and she managed a week smile.

Steven then picked up the end of the travois, and dragged it out of the square.  Caspian directed them to where Cyrril was, at the house of the girl’s family.  Her father was not home, but her mother was, and had been the woman with the basket.  She quickly and graciously provided Steven with some food, herbs, and medicines and the girl’s things in a shoulder bag and rucksack.  Caspian, being the bag holder, repaid the woman, and they were on their way before more trouble could find them.

That night, when they finally stopped for camp, Steven’s arms and shoulders were quite sore.  The girl had drifted at the edge of awake much of the time, but not really into coherence.  Caspian and Steven made camp, and put together a soup rich with the herbs from the mother.  The girl drank most of the broth, and then collapsed into real sleep.

Steven realized that he did not yet know her name, as he went to sleep.

Tertiary characters get a moment in the spotlight.

This is a section from further through Act One of the story. By this point, Roxanne and the kids have been kidnapped, and Caspian and Steven have followed, going back to Tywacomb, Caspian's native planet. Here it introduces a few tertiary characters that have been mentioned before this point.

Margot Winslow is the focus character for this scene. She is Roxanne's mother. Mike is her husband, and is only mentioned. Not mentioned and perhaps needing some explanation is that Roxanne is an only child, but this is mentioned and a plot point later.

Doris Winchel is the next door neighbor to Steven and Roxanne. She is a stay-at-home retiree married to another. Her husband does not play any significant part of this story.

Steven and Roxanne live in a rural area of the Carson Valley, Nevada. This valley is south of Carson City, Nevada, and east over the last line of the Sierra Nevada mountains.

Margot Winslow always enjoyed coming to visit her daughter, and grandkids.  The cleaner air and altitude of Carson Valley agreed with her.  Her husband, Mike, on the other hand despised any gain in altitude, equating that with getting cold.  He refused to travel to Tahoe in the winter.  In lighter moments he claimed to be allergic to snow.  Margot, on the other hand, enjoyed snow, so long as it was not moving sideways.  She had seen enough of that growing up in Nebraska.  For her purposes she was well enough off in Santa Cruz.

Now events happened that had left her wondering a few things.  First were the strange dreams, about flying through space.  Then there was the phone call.  She had heard of Judge Kevan; that he was a good judge to go before, and a kind of stern man personally.

When he called Thursday evening to report that Roxanne and the kids had been abducted, she was devastated.  Then when he said that his best investigator was on the case, and to call Steven and tell him to trust the investigator, and go with him, that had been strange.  More so was that he had only given a single name, “Detective Caspian.”  That was different.  But her instincts said that this was all right.  So she called, and relayed the message.

She then told of this to Mike.

The next day, Friday, Margot had gone to Sacramento, and found this Judge Kevan, and taken him to lunch.  The information they shared was quite startling, to both of them.  He had been surprised that she had known that her grandmother was an elf from another planet.  When he told her of the origin of the kidnappers, she quickly put together that Rox and the kids had been taken to her grandmother’s home world.  Then he mentioned that Caspian and Steven had already left in pursuit.  Margot was a bit dumbfounded by this.  She left lunch promising to keep in touch.

She drove to her husband’s work place, and told him everything she knew, start to finish.  And also why there was no good reason that Roxanne had not been told of her half-breed status.  They decided to do what ever they could to keep things in order.

When she finally got back to her office, for the last 20 minutes of the day, she found two messages from a detective investigating the abduction, one from Judge Kevan, and a handful from her work she had neglected that day.  She told her secretary, partners, and boss what she had been up to and why.  Also that this might take up unexpected time in the next while.

She then planned to drive up to Roxanne’s place on Sunday, and see the detective then.  Also to take care of the house.  Mike begged off the trip, having other things he wanted to do.  Margot recognized it as his dislike for traveling, and let it go.

So here she was taking a Sunday drive from Santa Cruz through Tahoe, going to her daughter’s house to finish cleaning it up and to close it up until Roxanne and Steven returned.  She arrived just after ten a.m. and let herself in.

Doris Winchel watched a strange car pull up in front of the Caplan house.  A Toyota Corolla with California plates and what looked like some extra fancy work done to it.  After a moment, a woman got out.  Doris almost jumped, thinking for a moment that this was Roxanne.  But this woman was dressed in slacks and a nice blouse, where Roxanne would wear jeans and a tee-shirt.  Also her hair was snow-white in color, but pulled back in the same kind of tail that Roxanne routinely wore, if a bit longer.  And Roxanne never carried a purse like that one.

Doris watched the woman walk up the driveway at the Caplan’s and decided that she had better go see what she was about.  Especially after Steven’s call asking her to watch the place.  She put her current project down, wiped her hands on her apron, and picked up the ring of keys that she had been given.  She walked next door, and found the door closed, the strange woman evidently having gone inside.  Doris knocked, and waited.  After a moment the strange woman opened the door.  Again for a brief moment she thought she this was Roxanne.  But this woman, while almost a physical match, was visibly older.

“I’m from next door.  Are you here to visit Roxanne and Steven?”

The woman looked Doris over, then pointed at her.  “Mrs. Duncan, right?”

“Mrs. Winchel, dear.  How can I help you?”

“I’m Roxanne’s mother, Margot.  Steven asked me to come and take care of whatever I found.  But he didn’t mention you.”  Margot looked a bit puzzled.

Mrs. Winchel thought a moment.  “Oh, I remember, you visited last summer.  I watch everybody’s houses around here.”  Doris stepped inside, causing Margot to step back.  “Steven called me the night things happened and asked me to watch the place while they were gone.  So, where shall we begin?”  Doris turned and entered the kitchen, looking around.

Margot was a bit put off.  Here was this woman in her apron barging in like she owned the place, and offering help.  ‘Why not?’ she thought to herself.  Shrugging, Margot closed the door.  She would have to remember Mrs. Winchel’s correct name.  She had always been associated with donuts in Margot’s mind, just the wrong brand.

Margot first got out her clipboard and pen and walked the house, noting damage and messes.  From there they went into the yard, and around back to the garage, still noting things.

Margot unlocked and opened the side door to the garage, turning on the lights as Mrs. Winchel followed.  Not having been in here before, Mrs. Winchel was immediately scandalized by the poster of the family that hung over the main doors.  Having a print of the same that was portrait sized in her office at home, Margot paid the poster less heed than Roxanne ever did, and went through the place as quickly as she did the house and yard.

They went back to the house, and found the detective in his car in the driveway, taking notes to himself.  Margot went out, and introduced herself, as Mrs. Winchel made some sandwiches and juice.

The detective invites himself in, and finds his tape recorder on the kitchen counter.  He winds it back to listen to it, and scowls a bit in disappointment.  They all gathered around the kitchen table, and he starts, by turning on the recorder.

First, he asked Margot for her identification, and how she fit in all this.  He then asked if there would be any reason for Steven to have the family killed or kidnapped.  Or for Roxanne to take the kids and run.  Or where Steven went and why.  Or if she knows who this private investigator ‘Caspian’ or ‘Judge Kevan’ was.  Using her skills as a lawyer, Margot gets out of him that he really does not have anything to go on, and is fishing for clues.

She then rounds on him, chewing him out for not trusting the accounts given him by truthful people.

He counters that he is not being given the whole truth.

She parry’s that he has enough to solve the case, and to stay out of the private lives of those involved.  And if he is done, that he is invited to leave now, or she will have him arrested for trespassing, verbal abuse, and abuse of authority.

He, seeing that he will not get any farther, leaves.

Margot and Mrs. Winchel finish lunch, and then commence to clean the house, starting with the lunch dishes.  Josh knocked on the door as they were finishing up.  He explained that he had seen people here, and was wanting to know what was going on.  He then told them about his truck, and Rox helping with it.  Margot knew nothing about this, though Mrs. Winchel did.  She asked Josh to return later, and they could talk all about what was going to happen.  But first they needed to finish straightening up.  So he left, promising to return.

Mrs. Winchel left just after, to finish her house work, and leaves Margot to the laundry.  By the time things are ready to be folded and put away, Mrs. Winchel has returned, and began vacuuming the living room after moving all the furniture to one end of the room.  They get everything folded, and put away.  The kid’s beds are finally put back completely right.

Margot also calls Steven’s secretary to confirm with her that she is getting the mail, and tending to the bills.

Mid-afternoon, a stranger showed up at the door, asking for Roxanne, and about picking up the Camero.  Roxanne had already arranged to sell the car to him, and finish the deal this day.  Margot finds the business records, and a bill of sale, and finishes the deal with a note that she is a third party conducting it.  She then takes him around back.  As he watches, she pulls the car out of the garage, and leaves it for him.  They close the garage again, and he drives away.  Margot then looks at the various piles of truck parts, and the two trucks in process.  This reminds her of Josh.

 Margot leaves the cashiers check with the mail and a note to the secretary what it’s about.

Mrs. Winchel was now out tending her flower beds, and simply moved on the take care of Steven’s.  They had to be Steven’s because Roxanne could not even grow mold.

Finally Mr. Winchel comes home from his errands, and Mrs. Winchel calls Josh and has him come over.  They work things out that Josh can work on his truck, but only when Mr. Winchel is there.  And he has to clean up everything.  Margot also arranges to have Mr. Winchel drive the truck with the trailer for the errands that need to be run, again with Josh along, and only for these related errands, and they have to buy the gas.  Steven’s Secretary is left a note about this arrangement.

When everything was done, Margot bid farewell to the Winchel’s and Josh, and arranged to come by every few weeks.